What NOT To Do At Target: A Guide For Target Shoppers

The world of retail is such a strange place. It is there where humanity’s true, lazy colors shine bright. Everything on this list has happened…and never should have. So, Target shoppers, take my advice and do NOT do what is on this list.

What NOT To Do

– Let your children scream for 30 minutes straight without intervening in their mind-numbing, high-pitched tantrum. It drives everyone nuts

– Let your child lay on the floor as you shop. That’s just sad…and ghetto

– Let your child knock things off the shelves or tables (or mess up the arrangement of those things on the shelf or table) without doing anything. DO be a parent and scold your child…and help them clean up their mess before a Team Member gets to the aisle where you’re at

– Let your child play football and/or horseplay in the main aisle of the store as you shop for cereal. It’s just…..not okay

– Put items like baseball bats and shoes in the freezers or dairy coolers. Take my word, they do not go there

– Put snacks like Oreos on top of the freezers. Yeah…they don’t go there either

– Put everything in your cart that you don’t want all in one (wrong) area of the store. You CAN at least give your loads of unwanted merchandise to the nearest Team Member

– Ask why the unisex, one-room bathroom in the pharmacy is locked. Logic dictates that there is probably somebody else in the bathroom

– Ask where bread is when you’re standing right by the bread aisle. Use the photo-sensitive globes in your skull to see where you’re at

– Call and ask if Target has the number to a completely different store. DO use a computer, phonebook or smartphone for the answer

– Ask why the canned fruit is with the canned vegetables. Yeah…

– Decide you don’t want to walk while you shop so take one of the four scooters in the store from people who actually need one. Seriously, DON’T be so lazy

– Use your EBT (food stamps) card for things like cookies, cakes and candies….and even a few Starbucks drinks from the in-store Starbucks. When you use aid like that, it makes you look like a free-rider with no understanding of what “help” and “aid” mean

– Say things like, “Well, I’ll just go to Wal-Mart.” Trust me, Team Members don’t give a rat’s tail that you are going to Wal-Mart – there’s no need to announce it. As a matter of fact, they want you to leave anyway

– Say things like, “Wal-Mart does it this way.” Target is not Wal-Mart. End of story.

– Decide to have a conversation with five different friends in a single aisle or checklane, hence blocking all traffic and making both shoppers and Team Members angry with you

– Use the in-store stereos in Electronics to blast your favorite type of music for the whole store to hear. DO listen to your iPod with earbuds instead

– Yell things to your kids like, “If you don’t put that down, I’m gonna spank you on the bottom! One…Two…” Other shoppers do not want to hear or see your ghetto fabulous parenting style out in public

– Come to the store in dirty pajamas. You don’t look “fly,” you look like a lazy ass

– Come to the store drunk looking for more alcohol. You’ll get kicked out by the head manager…or security…or both

– Complain that the sale that ended last week is no longer in effect in the current week. That IS how sales work

– Press all the help buttons in a department and run away laughing, thinking you’re so cool. You aren’t. You ARE a dumb ass


What To Do

– Use common sense

– Use common sense

– Use common sense