What NOT To Do At Target: A Guide For Target Shoppers

The world of retail is such a strange place. It is there where humanity’s true, lazy colors shine bright. Everything on this list has happened…and never should have. So, Target shoppers, take my advice and do NOT do what is on this list.

What NOT To Do

– Let your children scream for 30 minutes straight without intervening in their mind-numbing, high-pitched tantrum. It drives everyone nuts

– Let your child lay on the floor as you shop. That’s just sad…and ghetto

– Let your child knock things off the shelves or tables (or mess up the arrangement of those things on the shelf or table) without doing anything. DO be a parent and scold your child…and help them clean up their mess before a Team Member gets to the aisle where you’re at

– Let your child play football and/or horseplay in the main aisle of the store as you shop for cereal. It’s just…..not okay

– Put items like baseball bats and shoes in the freezers or dairy coolers. Take my word, they do not go there

– Put snacks like Oreos on top of the freezers. Yeah…they don’t go there either

– Put everything in your cart that you don’t want all in one (wrong) area of the store. You CAN at least give your loads of unwanted merchandise to the nearest Team Member

– Ask why the unisex, one-room bathroom in the pharmacy is locked. Logic dictates that there is probably somebody else in the bathroom

– Ask where bread is when you’re standing right by the bread aisle. Use the photo-sensitive globes in your skull to see where you’re at

– Call and ask if Target has the number to a completely different store. DO use a computer, phonebook or smartphone for the answer

– Ask why the canned fruit is with the canned vegetables. Yeah…

– Decide you don’t want to walk while you shop so take one of the four scooters in the store from people who actually need one. Seriously, DON’T be so lazy

– Use your EBT (food stamps) card for things like cookies, cakes and candies….and even a few Starbucks drinks from the in-store Starbucks. When you use aid like that, it makes you look like a free-rider with no understanding of what “help” and “aid” mean

– Say things like, “Well, I’ll just go to Wal-Mart.” Trust me, Team Members don’t give a rat’s tail that you are going to Wal-Mart – there’s no need to announce it. As a matter of fact, they want you to leave anyway

– Say things like, “Wal-Mart does it this way.” Target is not Wal-Mart. End of story.

– Decide to have a conversation with five different friends in a single aisle or checklane, hence blocking all traffic and making both shoppers and Team Members angry with you

– Use the in-store stereos in Electronics to blast your favorite type of music for the whole store to hear. DO listen to your iPod with earbuds instead

– Yell things to your kids like, “If you don’t put that down, I’m gonna spank you on the bottom! One…Two…” Other shoppers do not want to hear or see your ghetto fabulous parenting style out in public

– Come to the store in dirty pajamas. You don’t look “fly,” you look like a lazy ass

– Come to the store drunk looking for more alcohol. You’ll get kicked out by the head manager…or security…or both

– Complain that the sale that ended last week is no longer in effect in the current week. That IS how sales work

– Press all the help buttons in a department and run away laughing, thinking you’re so cool. You aren’t. You ARE a dumb ass

 

What To Do

– Use common sense

– Use common sense

– Use common sense

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Bullseye: Adventures of a Target Team Member Pt. 3

Here is the latest installment of my series on being a Target Team Member. Have as much fun reading this as I had finding these situations…

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This culturally fascinating show is usually on in the break room. On this episode…..

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Those of us who have iPhones at Target cannot last two minutes without them…especially when you’re playing “Spongebob Squarepants Diner Dash.”

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I found this package of cookies on top of the freezer displays. I’m not sure how the guest came to the conclusion that this is where cookies go. At least it wasn’t IN the freezer.

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I can’t help myself; Who wants some chocolate condoms?! 😉

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It’s usually great when people give away their coupons. However, when those coupons are expired and left on a shelf rather than in a trashcan, it isn’t that great.

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The guest could not have at least put this gallon of milk in the wrong spot in the dairy cooler. No, he or she thought it would be alright to leave it on a shelf at room temperature. How kind of them…

 

Bullseye: Adventures of a Target Team Member Pt. 2

Here it is, ladies and gentlement, part two of my groundbreaking series on the fabulous and lavish life of a Target Team Member. Enjoy 😉

 

 

 

This is another one of the people I have become great friends with at Target – Christine. When you hear “spunk” or “funny” or “flamboyant,” think of this woman. Here, she is seen oozing glamour 🙂

I’m not really sure what this poor guest is going for with the whacked-out hair. I saw her talking to one of the Mobile Solutions (cell phone contracts for various brands) representatives and couldn’t help myself. I’m guessing a bag of Cheetos was the inspiration for this….”hairstyle.”

Not only did I find this carton of milk crammed into a smaller slot, I found it on the shelf above its home location. But, I totally understand; Sometimes, that one outstretch of the arm to a foot lower is too much work.

 

When I saw this Academy Award-winning blockbuster (for $5 on Blu-Ray) on the shelf, I just had to take a picture. I’m a huge sci-fi fan but I think this movie looks so bad, even the producers of Plan Nine From Outer Space would think it’s a bomb.

 

Bullseye: Adventures of a Target Team Member Pt. 1

I will be periodically adding parts to a new series I’m working on titled “Bullseye: Adventures of a Target Team Member” describing what it’s like to work at a Target store.

Hundreds of thousands of people work at Target stores across the country. I have worked at a local Target since the beginning of my Senior year of high school, over three and a half years ago (and the pay still sucks).

I have had the opportunity to witness one-of-a-kind situations, looney guests, management pitfalls and unforgettable co-workers. It’s been memorable to say the least.

Overall, the experience has been…well…unclassifiable. I’ve made several friends and met some amazing people. I’ve also met people who shouldn’t be allowed in public and others who got promotions for knowing the right people (happens in all jobs, I know…).

So, I figure it’s time that I start journaling my experiences at Target since I love to write and have been there for over three and half years.

Enjoy and always remember: “Can I help you find something?”

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The above photo is of a dear friend of mine. She’s been at the same store I have been at since I started (back when the store opened). Her name is Mary and she’s Catholic. We have an ongoing joke: I come up to her and say, “Hail Mary full of grace,” to which she always replies, “bless you, my child,” while signing the crucifix. She’s a great friend. 🙂

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This next picture shows part of the breakroom. I know, I know…it’s fit for MTV’s “Cribs.” In fact, it’s so pimpin’, the television antenna has tin foil. What was untended to be a technological breakthrough turned out to be something out of “el barrio”…still with little to no reception.

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This is exactly what it looks like; an aluminum baseball bat put on a milk rack in the milk cooler. I’m not sure what the brilliant guest was thinking (if they even were at all) but apparently, aluminum bats are now considered to be a dairy product. You know it sounds good – eating a new pack of Oreos complete with a nice, ice cold bat.

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I was a little shocked to see this design for a children’s cup. I guess Belle used to be Bill and has yet to fully transition.

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Everyone loves Coffee-mate coffee creamer…even big, intimidating bugs. Luckily, this little-but-big guy was too cold to move since he was in the cooler. He died with something he loved. Heartwarming.

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Target had A LOT of ice cream flavors to choose from. It has cookies ‘n cream, chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, mint chip…and now introducing “packaged meat.” The guest who put this here is definitely thinking outside the box.

Stay tuned for more additions to this groundbreaking series. 😉